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(Tuesday, April 25, 2006-)
+8:47:00 PM]*
8:47:00 PM
# i'm lost.-
second post. i jus feel so not rite now. msged her some stuffs bhurd she didn reply. maybe she didn noe wat to reply. hmms. many things i wanted to tell you jus now. but monday was there so i didn say it. umms. now i'm jus lost. been running through wat u've said to me. over and over in my head. its nvr ending. i wish it would stop. but i noe now wat i should do. jus layin a path for myself. setting everything in place in my head. lets not talk about loving each other. cos its useless sayin it. we noe it in our hearts is enuff. i'm not afraid tat you would leave. i wanna noe wats on ur mind. i jus asked u a question. but u didn answer me. i'm not angry at all i'm numb inside out. i'm so sad but i cant express it. my hearts crying out loud in pain, its bleeding. but yet all the pain cant be let out. its so tormenting for me. the more its kept inside me the more i feel like my time here is gona end. every time spent with you is precious to me. cos i dunc stay near. i treasure it. i gues u jus need space now. well we both do. i guess i'm half dead alrdy. i cant smile anymore. nth can make my laugh out loud. the path is blocked. i've no where to turn to. if only i knew how to express myself in detailed manner to you den we could talk things through and clr things up. i'm so sorry. i noe u need space now i should add anymore stress to you. we cant understand each others feelings now. why has it became this wat. am i the cause of everything? why am i feeling this way. friends told me tat if u cared too much for a girl or stick too them too much they'll think you ned them alot and they'll soon be bored and leave u one day. hmms. is this wat is happening rite now. i'm not tryin to imply anything. i'm jus confused. things has clred up but it seems that the problem is still lingering around me. i dun intend t let go. neither do i want things to become this way. i dun wan us to drift. but it seems we're alrdy starting to. if theres anything i can do to make u happy again. and i mean anything. i'm willing to do anything. cos its not getting anywhere now. i'm stuck and i'm jus draggin u along. i ought to do something. is there anything i can do for you? i jus blew my msg again. 1400. wont be able t msg u anymore. if not line would be cut. wat else can we do to communicate? we hardly every talk in sch. we talk when we're alone. but even sometimes we're alone we hardly talk too. some things i jus dunc dare to say. whenever i want i think abt it den i kept quiet again. the things are not probs. probs i've alrdy told u everything. nth more left for me to say. all i can is to do someting now. but since u told me u needed more space for urself den we can hab it ur way. i've got no zhu jian like u said. maybe some things i jus jumped to conclusion barhs. i'm sorry den. apologies are all i can say. u've got ur life. i dun wish t affect u and take away ur time and make u spend time with me. its not like tis. i dun wan you to tink tat i need you so badly and make u feel bad if u dunc accompany me also. jus tell me wat u want. or msg me to tell me. i dunc mind. u noe wat type of person i'm. even if ur paiseh can get ur friends t tell me. somethings u jus dun wanna tell me and that kept me thinkin. i duno wats going on anymore. i've lost my way. i'm tryin my best to understand you. i can dunc bother abt wat u wanna do. but i cannot dunc care. really sorry.
the story ends like this;
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June 2005