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(Wednesday, May 03, 2006-)
+11:27:00 PM]*
11:27:00 PM
# sad of everything.-
second post of the day. called her up to talk. got to hear how she felt. wat she wanted. i guess she knew those things werent good. i'm tryin hard to understand you. i wish i could hlp. all i can do is all talk and no show. i'm kinda useless too narhs. some stead i'm huh. lols.. been tryin to change ur thinkin and hopefully save u from taking the wrong way out. running ish out of the options. you've been running away too much. its time u stop and pause to think. sayin all this doesnt hlp i noe. but i jus gotta do something to at least hlp u think clearer. i'm lost. i'm confused as to why u would think lidat. and its like ur thinkin totally changed in a few days.. i got worried when u told me u dunc feel like studyin anymore. i got scared when u told me most of ur friends dunc study. i became disappointed when u asked me not to bother about you. i became sad when u told me the things dat u think u would be happy doing when ur not studyin. now its all in my head and in my heart. i'm so messed up. i really dunc wish u t be lidat. u gotta overcome this. nth go smoothly only when u want it to. theres not much time for mid year. but theres still time for n lvls. u noe u can do it if u want. dunc keep telling me duno duno. everything also duno den i how sial. dunc escape narhs. ur strong dunc let things pull u down. especially dunc be like ur friend. sorry if i offended u in anyway. but are those really ur true friends who can hlp u in times like this. come on. i'm not sayin all these lookin for a quarrel. i wanna make u understand abit. at least all i could do now is talk some sense into you. dunc wish t see u give up narhs. really its not worth it. thhink about it narhs. pls. dunc think about fun and enjoy now narhs, u got a life ahead of you leh. you can make things happen if u put in effort and make it a point to do it. dunc keep sayin u duno. ur just running away and telling urself to give up. ur lying to urself. come on and thinkk tats not wat u really want. think deep in to ur brain. its not suppose to be like this. its pointless telling me tat ur find. cos i noe ur not. neither am i. i've been thinkin eversince last nite u msged me sayin tat u lied to me. i didn got angry. but i knew the prob was gonna come. the probs tat i fear would come and the probs tat i wrote in my phone diary. it has happened. i stared at my ceiling askin god why. i thought about the things u would think about. i guess i got it all rite. dunc say no one understands u narh. theres so many ppl here for you and wanting to hlp you. u gotta trust us and let us hlp. we're all taking the same exams narh. who doesnt study derhs. who doesnt want to work hard and get good results. everybody one. maybe some are taking things slower. and some really put their mind to it cos they noe wat they really want. hey all i want is us to stay tgt. dunc drift! stay focus narhs. do it together and be happy. you'll regret one day when u haven even tried and alrdy gave up. i read ur blog. i noe how u feel. last time i felt tat way. but with friends hlp its still alrite. the more u think lidat the more pressure ur putting on urself. i hear lerh damn sad. i duno how. i dun wan things to end up badly for us or for you. theres so many ppl here for u. so dunc give up. we wont give up on you so why are u giving up on urself. when i did the mother tongue exams i wanted to give up too. but everytime i turned and saw u. i told myself i cant jus take things for granted. at least i must do something to satisfy myself. even if i fail my chinese i still at least did the paper. cos i noe i've tried. and every glance i take at u gives me the motivation and confidence to go on. because i noe i cant jus give up. theres still ppl here for me. guiding me and hlpin me along. we're not alone. we jus need time. but for now we still gotta think of n lvls first. no matter wat happens me and u will remain the same. i dunc wanna drift from u therefore i work hard hoping tat u would too so we can go sec 5 tgt. den during sec 5 at least we can make a plan for ourselves. i noe i want you and need u the most now. dunc fall stay strong. cos if u fall i fall too. dunc hab t tell me to study my own and work hard on my own. eversince the day we got tgt i've alrdy told myself no matter wat happens i'll always stand by ur side. watchin u lifting u. i wont leave u behind. neither would i jus let u think about all of these thoughts. it hurts me and u. can anyone motivate this precious lil girl of mine.. cos i'm trying my really best but i cant seem t make any difference. i won regret loving the wrong person even if all these turn bad. once i set my mind to it i'm gona do it with my everything. i dunc wanna lose u neither do i wanna see things go so wrong until its beyond hope. i noe ur a great thinkin person, ur always so thoughtful and i'm not. pls if u still hab anything u havent said to me do tell me. we promised each other alrdy rmb.? rmb wat you are. think carefully what u really are inside u. i would b here. waiting and hopin u would tell me ur mind is clear and u understand everything. i hope it would be soon... the whole day today i've been thinkin dats why i was quiet. i'm sorry. i'm seriously not gona slp tonight. its hard u noe... after all that talk. the sadness inside me hasnt cleared. i'm getting more and more worried. dunc think about the bad. think about the good. wat would u get out of the good than the bad. good stuffs are always hard to come by u gotta fite for it! fite for it real hard really really hard. den u can achieve what you want. givin up ish easy anyone can do it. but with regrets nxt time when they understand. i've given up but u're here to back me up everytime. u said u wanted a better life. i'm working towards it. for you for us. <3
the story ends like this;
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June 2005