you typed:
blog
(Monday, June 26, 2006-)
+5:13:00 PM]*
5:13:00 PM
# i jus felt like u didn care..-
jus came back from sch.. having tuition later at 8pm..
today i only get t see her for not more than 45mins. didn talk much t her..
wanted t tell her much.. but she was always ahead of me.. i'm tired of catching up..
could you slow down for me? i wanted u t walk by my side.. hhahs.. whenever we're in a grp...
i feel like ur so paiseh.. i duno why..
we jus aint so close den.. i'm mostly left behind.. u didn talked t me neither.
i would feel bored. everyone could jus tell me go look for her den.. lols..
is this really wat a man really should do when he needs her badly? cant she sense anything..
haish.. must i say everything.. does everything seem so fine t you.. everytime i'm like this u
think tat i'm hiding stuff from you.
den after tat i keep denying theres anything wrong u jus get frustrated and all worked up..
in the end i hab t comfort you.. lols.. funny huhs.. and at the end of the day..
i still didn get t tell you wats up on mind. how i feel and everything.. i needed u each time..
only u didn noe.. no matter with a grp.. with u alone.. or without you..
i still needed you. can i not dunc need u at all? the feelings jus there.
and i need u by my side.. i didn tell you..
in the end it seems like theres a big gap in us.. ur in front and i'm behind.
i nvr come t you neither do you.. i knew u dunc mean being tgt must always stick tgt.. tat one
sentence tat u told me is alrdy enuff t give me a reason not t tell you how i feel.
it kept me thinkin whether she needs me or not..
should i go over? i duno.. she doesnt noe how i feel..
wat should i do.. i wana tell her.. but i dunc think she'll be pls hearing tat..
tats wat i tot.. i'll give in anyway i could..
maybe someday i would get use t this and dunc even need u t be beside me anymore..
only once inawhile would be enuff..
tat may be good for you barhs.. den u wouldn hab so much t worry abt hhuh..
i wonder if u've ever needed me b4.. lols.. everything u did..
i jus felt u didn cared at all.. no matter how sad i'm u wouldn ask a damn thing..
does my face look so scary tat u dunc even dare t talk t me at all???
haha.. if everyday i was lidat den we no need t talk lerhs..
or maybe i jus cared too much lerhs.. i should jus relax on everything..
be there only when u need me. the rest i'll jus see it as small small matters.
if i had half of him* den i can learn how t let go of the string and pull u back again..
now i'm holding on so tight and not letting u go.. i guess u dunc like it neither..
watever i did.. i wonder if u had ever felt comfortable abt it..
sians.. also duno say so much lerhs u'll understand or not.. lolx..
i didn say it was wrong t stick with ur frenes. i didn say i didn let u.
i didn control wat u think.. i dunc wan t.. i cant also..
i noe u can think.. i dunc like giving my opinion.. cos u dunc agree certain things with me huhs..
if i think like u den maybe wont hab tis feeling and problem lerh barhs.. i cant norhs..
i dunc like t be treated this way. felt like i existed only for the sake of you..
but when i look at you.. i dunc feel my existence in u..
lols.. whenever we're in a grp u wouldn even noe if i disappeared..
i'm always at the back.. i'm taking a slower pace..
i'm not gona chase after u and tell u i need u.. cos i need u all the time..
u jus didn noe it. i'm nvr gona tell you these things clearly..
maybe u read lerhs still cant understand den i also bo bian..
but at least u noe something can lerh barhs..
its not tat i dunc like wat u do.. but it jus gives me these feelings..
the leftout kind. u said u looked at me and i didn notice..
dunc look at me narhs.. come over can.. LMAO! narhs.. jus kidding.
do watever u wan.. i'm not asking for anything.
i only need ur understanding.. the rest is up t you t decide..
u dunc need my permission in doing anything..
do watever ur happy doing.. i'll be fine once i get used..
but i hope i wont tell you dat i dunc need u anymore..
if i get used i duno if i'll still think i need you lerhs..
i'll be there when u need me.. if not dunc waste my time..
cos i'm tired.. i dunc wana end up like tis..
i'll do watever for myself t feel happier if i still feel sad abt all these.. i dunc
noe wat i said t you when i was drunk the other nyte.. hope its nothin stupid barhs.. haish..
as long as ur happy everythings fine with me derhs.. ((=
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
June 2005